Bulletin Q&A Article; Published 5-12-24:
Can we attend the wedding of a Catholic outside of the Church (at a banquet hall) if we know the couple will have a smaller Catholic wedding later this year out of state? (Not a close relative.)
I must wonder what the circumstance is that would cause a Catholic to enter into a civil marriage while desiring in advance to get married later in a Catholic wedding ceremony. Is the couple awaiting an annulment? Is there a financial reason? Is it a matter of scheduling? Regardless of the intention and reasons, this “two-ceremony” proposal is an unacceptable arrangement.
A Catholic married outside the Church is not considered to be married in the eyes of the Church. During the time between ceremonies, it would be presumed that they would be committing fornication, and possibly adultery if one of the parties was previously married and has not had that marriage annulled. The second ceremony would not be considered a wedding, but rather a convalidation. If they are already working with a priest for their future “wedding”, I find it hard to believe that the priest would endorse and participate in this arrangement. It would imply that the priest condoned the couple living in a sinful relationship.
If one or both of the parties has been married before and has not had their marriage annulled, then you should not attend the wedding. By attending you would be condoning adultery.
In cases where the parties have not been previously married, Fr. Hurley offers five general options when invited to a wedding of a Catholic outside the Church; the first two are deemed unacceptable:
- Say nothing to the couple, and go,
- Say nothing to the couple, and don’t go,
- Say something to the couple, and don’t go,
- Say something to the couple, and only go to the reception, or
- Say something to the couple, and go to both the wedding and reception.
What we should do in a particular situation is always a difficult decision to be made based on conscience, potential scandal, and pastoral and relational considerations. In all cases we pray that the couple find their way back to the Church and have their marriage made valid through a sacramental convalidation; that is that their marriage be “with validity” in the eyes of the Church. But this particular situation, with the desired “two-ceremony” arrangement, is particularly troubling. Without a fuller understanding of the motivations behind their plan, option #3 might be the only one that is acceptable, even if neither party has previously been married.